Exclusive: Most Inappropriate Relationships in Film
Article by: Greg Roberts
In the film series Twilight, based on the popular novels by Stephanie
Meyer, a young Bella Swan falls in love with cute sparkling vampire
named Edward. But come on! It is a bit inappropriate donít you think?
After all, she is a warm blooded young teenager. He is a walking dead
vampire with a thirst for blood. Awkward! Bella and Edward arenít the
first to have a peculiar relationship on film. In fact, when compared to
other relationships, damned if Bella and Edward donít seem normal.
Thatís when Killerreviews.com sat down and began to scope out the most
peculiar and improper relationships in film.
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Sam Wheat and Molly Jansen in Ghost
(played by Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore)
We are not talking about the relationship at the beginning of the film.
After all, they are both well and alive shortly after the opening credits.
We are referring to the relationship that evolves after the death of Sam.
Molly canít seem to let Molly go. Worse, Sam canít seem to leave. Worse
still, spiritualist Oda Mae Brown (played by Whoopi Goldberg) is able to
channel Sam and bring information back to Molly in hopes of solving his own
murder. Molly just canít let go. But heís dead for chrissake! And the cherry
on the top is when Sam appears to Molly through Oda Mae. There is a long and
emotional kiss, but itís still Whoopi sheís kissing. Gross!
Jake and Neytiri in Avatar
(played by Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana)
Where to start? Jake is a crippled army man who uses technology to
disguise himself as a native Naívi and she is a blue alien from the Pandora.
What could go wrong? Since Jake is really just an Avatar, his relationship
can end with a simple power failure. Neytiri falls for Jake, but if only she
knew he was white, short and confined to a wheelchair. Add in the fact that
Jake is using his relationship with Neytiri so that he can provide intel
back to his commander for an eventual military strike on the Naíviís sacred
homeland and BOOM, you have a relationship thatís awkward, wrong,
destructive and at times, icky.
Anna and Sean in Birth
(played by Nicole Kidman and Cameron Bright)
Annaís husband has died. So sad. Anna has moved on however and is now
engaged to another man in hopes of getting her life back on track. But wait!
A ten-year-old boy named Sean appears and claims to be the reincarnation of
her husband. No way that this is going to end well! Anna might be a bit
quick in her belief that this young boy is indeed her dead husband. Hell,
not even 70 minutes into the movie and Anna is bathing with the young Sean.
The film took some flack for the scene of the two in the bathroom, when
really, it should have taken flack for just not being a very good film.
Jim Levenstein and a pie in American Pie
(played by Jason Biggs and Öa pie)
Back in 1999, having sex with a pie was revolutionary. Seems tame by
todayís standards. However, there is no denying that Jimís relationship with
pastry was a bit awkward. It starts when Jim is informed that the female
vagina feels like warm apple pie. Well, you can understand then his lust
when he gets home to find an apple pie sitting fresh and warm on the
counter. Jim then has a brief and meaningless relationship with the dessert
before being caught by his father in what was a memorable and hilarious
moment in a memorable and hilarious film. I donít think we need to explain
why this scene appears on our list.
Captain Kirk and Martia in Star Trek VI:
The Undiscovered Country
(played by William Shatner and Iman)
When Kirk and McCoy are found guilty of charges in a Klingon court, they
are sentenced to exile on the mining planet of Rura Penthe. Making the best
of a bad situation, Kirk is seduced by Martia, a fellow prisoner on the
planet. The two of them have some bedtime frolicking. The next day, Kirk
finds out that Martia is actually a shape shifter. Therefore the person or
thing that he had relations was likely not the form of the actual
individual. As Martia then takes a few other forms (including Kirkís) in her
final scene, you canít help but wonder exactly what did Kirk sleep with that
Lars Lindstrom and a plastic doll in
Lars and the Real Girl
(played by Ryan Gosling and a plastic doll)
Ryan Gosling has been known for taking some interesting and (ahem)
challenging roles. But when he accepted the role of Lars Lindstrom, a simple
man who takes a unhealthy liking to a life sized doll that he orders over
the internet, you canít help but wonder if his agent wanted to take him out
to the back shed and give him a sense-beating. Strangely, Gosling pulls it
off. His relationship is flawed to say the least. After all, his girlfriend
is full of hot air. But his family and friends play along and the
relationship is given some legitimacy even if intimacy is a little Ďoffí.
Never before has a female character in a movie with air valve been so
Mr. Theopolis and a zombie girl in Fido
(played by Tim Blake Nelson and a zombie)
There are plenty of zombie and reanimator films that our panel discussed,
but the relationship that Mr. Theopolis had with his zombie is one that we
thought had the most depth. It would seem that the world is now full of
zombies that can be controlled and are now used as house pets and servants.
The zombies are kept under control by way of an electronic collar that keeps
them docile and quells their thirst for human flesh. Mr. Theopolis has a
female zombie that he is quite enamored with. In fact, he is so smitten with
her that you can be forgiven if you forget that she is actually one of the
walking dead. He clothes her, feeds her and treats her as an equal. There
are no chains or fears for his own safety. Mr. Theopolis is in love. Odd.
Teenagers and a mysterious dead girl (?)
When two teenagers stumble across a naked, tied down body of a girl in an
abandoned asylum, they have your typical teenage thoughts. Well, maybe. One
of the teens takes the relationship to the next level and has sex with the
poor girl. He even invites friends over to do the same. I would be giving
away far too much if I reveal exactly how it plays out, so I will curt the
details and simply reveal that due to the girl seemingly being dead(ish) and
that she is secured and tied down without any chance of fighting back, makes
this an oddball of a relationship.
Dr. Nick Cavanaugh and Helena in Boxing
(played by Julian Sands and Sherilyn Fenn)
Those of you that are familiar with the once controversial Boxing Helena,
are likely to be smiling and nodding in agreement with this selection. Sands
plays a surgeon who is obsessed with the young Helena. When Helena has an
accident, Dr. Cavanaugh amputates her arms and legs leaving just a torso.
You can imagine what you can do with a lovely looking torso. The
relationship is weird, awkward and downright repulsive if you get right down
to the heart of it all. The film, was a disaster. Kim Bassinger was
originally cast as Helena and pulled out breaching her contract. She was
later sued for $9 million. Bill Paxton appears in the film as well, but you
can be sure he doesnít mention this entry on any press tours. What we are
left with is a relationship between a man and a reluctant woman that has no
choice but to give herself to the doctor. Well, whatís left of herself
Robert Schmadtke and dead things in
(Daktari Lorenz and dead things)
There were many relationships that we discussed and argued over
inclusion/exclusion, but it was easy to pick our most inappropriate and
awkward of the bunch. As a worker for the city that cleans up after horrific
traffic accidents, Robert begins to collect body part, and eventually, dead
people that he brings back to his apartment and has sex with. As the bodies
rot and decay, that seems to do little to dissuade Robert and his lust for
the unliving. This might sound like a comedy, but Nekromantik is anything
but. Itís a 1987 Germany black and white film that is gruesome and very
graphic including an end scene where Robert has an orgasm of porn star
proportions. Having sex with dead things is not new. But having sex with
dead things that have been dead for days/weeks is a little off. And it
clearly stands alone amongst our list.