Exclusive: Most Inappropriate Relationships in Film Article by: Greg Roberts Share In the film series Twilight, based on the popular novels by Stephanie Meyer, a young Bella Swan falls in love with cute sparkling vampire named Edward. But come on! It is a bit inappropriate don’t you think? After all, she is a warm blooded young teenager. He is a walking dead vampire with a thirst for blood. Awkward! Bella and Edward aren’t the first to have a peculiar relationship on film. In fact, when compared to other relationships, damned if Bella and Edward don’t seem normal. That’s when Killerreviews.com sat down and began to scope out the most peculiar and improper relationships in film. View Reader Comments... Sam Wheat and Molly Jansen in Ghost (played by Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore) We are not talking about the relationship at the beginning of the film. After all, they are both well and alive shortly after the opening credits. We are referring to the relationship that evolves after the death of Sam. Molly can’t seem to let Molly go. Worse, Sam can’t seem to leave. Worse still, spiritualist Oda Mae Brown (played by Whoopi Goldberg) is able to channel Sam and bring information back to Molly in hopes of solving his own murder. Molly just can’t let go. But he’s dead for chrissake! And the cherry on the top is when Sam appears to Molly through Oda Mae. There is a long and emotional kiss, but it’s still Whoopi she’s kissing. Gross! Jake and Neytiri in Avatar (played by Sam Worthington and Zoe Saldana) Where to start? Jake is a crippled army man who uses technology to disguise himself as a native Na’vi and she is a blue alien from the Pandora. What could go wrong? Since Jake is really just an Avatar, his relationship can end with a simple power failure. Neytiri falls for Jake, but if only she knew he was white, short and confined to a wheelchair. Add in the fact that Jake is using his relationship with Neytiri so that he can provide intel back to his commander for an eventual military strike on the Na’vi’s sacred homeland and BOOM, you have a relationship that’s awkward, wrong, destructive and at times, icky. Anna and Sean in Birth (played by Nicole Kidman and Cameron Bright) Anna’s husband has died. So sad. Anna has moved on however and is now engaged to another man in hopes of getting her life back on track. But wait! A ten-year-old boy named Sean appears and claims to be the reincarnation of her husband. No way that this is going to end well! Anna might be a bit quick in her belief that this young boy is indeed her dead husband. Hell, not even 70 minutes into the movie and Anna is bathing with the young Sean. The film took some flack for the scene of the two in the bathroom, when really, it should have taken flack for just not being a very good film. Jim Levenstein and a pie in American Pie (played by Jason Biggs and …a pie) Back in 1999, having sex with a pie was revolutionary. Seems tame by today’s standards. However, there is no denying that Jim’s relationship with pastry was a bit awkward. It starts when Jim is informed that the female vagina feels like warm apple pie. Well, you can understand then his lust when he gets home to find an apple pie sitting fresh and warm on the counter. Jim then has a brief and meaningless relationship with the dessert before being caught by his father in what was a memorable and hilarious moment in a memorable and hilarious film. I don’t think we need to explain why this scene appears on our list. Captain Kirk and Martia in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (played by William Shatner and Iman) When Kirk and McCoy are found guilty of charges in a Klingon court, they are sentenced to exile on the mining planet of Rura Penthe. Making the best of a bad situation, Kirk is seduced by Martia, a fellow prisoner on the planet. The two of them have some bedtime frolicking. The next day, Kirk finds out that Martia is actually a shape shifter. Therefore the person or thing that he had relations was likely not the form of the actual individual. As Martia then takes a few other forms (including Kirk’s) in her final scene, you can’t help but wonder exactly what did Kirk sleep with that evening. Yuck. Lars Lindstrom and a plastic doll in Lars and the Real Girl (played by Ryan Gosling and a plastic doll) Ryan Gosling has been known for taking some interesting and (ahem) challenging roles. But when he accepted the role of Lars Lindstrom, a simple man who takes a unhealthy liking to a life sized doll that he orders over the internet, you can’t help but wonder if his agent wanted to take him out to the back shed and give him a sense-beating. Strangely, Gosling pulls it off. His relationship is flawed to say the least. After all, his girlfriend is full of hot air. But his family and friends play along and the relationship is given some legitimacy even if intimacy is a little ‘off’. Never before has a female character in a movie with air valve been so effective. Mr. Theopolis and a zombie girl in Fido (played by Tim Blake Nelson and a zombie) There are plenty of zombie and reanimator films that our panel discussed, but the relationship that Mr. Theopolis had with his zombie is one that we thought had the most depth. It would seem that the world is now full of zombies that can be controlled and are now used as house pets and servants. The zombies are kept under control by way of an electronic collar that keeps them docile and quells their thirst for human flesh. Mr. Theopolis has a female zombie that he is quite enamored with. In fact, he is so smitten with her that you can be forgiven if you forget that she is actually one of the walking dead. He clothes her, feeds her and treats her as an equal. There are no chains or fears for his own safety. Mr. Theopolis is in love. Odd. Teenagers and a mysterious dead girl (?) in Deadgirl When two teenagers stumble across a naked, tied down body of a girl in an abandoned asylum, they have your typical teenage thoughts. Well, maybe. One of the teens takes the relationship to the next level and has sex with the poor girl. He even invites friends over to do the same. I would be giving away far too much if I reveal exactly how it plays out, so I will curt the details and simply reveal that due to the girl seemingly being dead(ish) and that she is secured and tied down without any chance of fighting back, makes this an oddball of a relationship. Dr. Nick Cavanaugh and Helena in Boxing Helena (played by Julian Sands and Sherilyn Fenn) Those of you that are familiar with the once controversial Boxing Helena, are likely to be smiling and nodding in agreement with this selection. Sands plays a surgeon who is obsessed with the young Helena. When Helena has an accident, Dr. Cavanaugh amputates her arms and legs leaving just a torso. You can imagine what you can do with a lovely looking torso. The relationship is weird, awkward and downright repulsive if you get right down to the heart of it all. The film, was a disaster. Kim Bassinger was originally cast as Helena and pulled out breaching her contract. She was later sued for $9 million. Bill Paxton appears in the film as well, but you can be sure he doesn’t mention this entry on any press tours. What we are left with is a relationship between a man and a reluctant woman that has no choice but to give herself to the doctor. Well, what’s left of herself anyways. Robert Schmadtke and dead things in Nekromantik (Daktari Lorenz and dead things) There were many relationships that we discussed and argued over inclusion/exclusion, but it was easy to pick our most inappropriate and awkward of the bunch. As a worker for the city that cleans up after horrific traffic accidents, Robert begins to collect body part, and eventually, dead people that he brings back to his apartment and has sex with. As the bodies rot and decay, that seems to do little to dissuade Robert and his lust for the unliving. This might sound like a comedy, but Nekromantik is anything but. It’s a 1987 Germany black and white film that is gruesome and very graphic including an end scene where Robert has an orgasm of porn star proportions. Having sex with dead things is not new. But having sex with dead things that have been dead for days/weeks is a little off. And it clearly stands alone amongst our list.