Dear Gore Gore Girl

[GregMO ROberts]

While listening to the last podcast (Episode 59: Super Xuxa Vs. Satan and Skyscraper), during the news segment there was a discussion about a particular individual, her lusty intentions, a cop and a jawbreaker.

During the banter, you identified your personal IPO as being a 'Milky Way'. As a Canadian investor looking to capitalize on undervalued opportunities with exponential growth potential, I was wondering 1) How can I get you a Milky Way and 2) Does the offer include the same beneficial componets as offered by the 'jawbreaker woman'.

Please also note that I have a Costco membership and am willing to buy Milky Ways in bulk.

[King of Podcasting]

This seems valid. Plus he's Canadian. I say go for it.

[GregMO ROberts]

I sit here with my mustache and two inch penis awaiting your response.

[SethStoven]

Throw in some of those snazzy HP blu-ray players I hear they have at Costco in Canada. The ladies go weak in the knees for those.

[Gore Gore Girl]

Well, let's see...I don't remember an offer, but rather a consideration of hypothetical candy value in relation to emotional/sexual labor. Certainly, in candy ranking, a Milky Way has to rank higher than a jawbreaker, right? Thinking about it though, the jawbreaker lady might have the right strategy - jawbreakers are probably the longest-lasting candy. While my Milky Way is gone and nearly forgotten, her jawbreaker will have only just got started. Plus she has $5 to buy more - she could even buy a Milky Way to go with the jawbreaker.

This is all irrelevant though, as now that Costco membership has been mentioned, a lot of hot young ladies will be swarming to you, flooding your inbox with offers. I simply can't compete with that.

[King of Podcasting]

Wait, is Seth giving away free Blu-ray players?

[GregMO ROberts]

This is all irrelevant though, as now that Costco membership has been mentioned, a lot of hot young ladies will be swarming to you, flooding your inbox with offers. I simply can't compete with that.

You would think that my inbox would be full, but alas, over 30 seconds on the 30 seconds I refresh to receive the depressing "no new messages" heading.

Maybe my father was right. He once said to me that I probably couldn't get laid if I stood naked outside of a woman's prison with a fist full of paroles.

I miss him.

[Gore Gore Girl]

^ Surely a men's prison would be more appropriate to the sentiment?

Either way, point taken. Perhaps going and standing outside Costco, casually flexing your membership card would do the trick? Seth can be your secret accomplice and advertise the blu-ray players that lie within...

[King of Podcasting]

Sorry Greg. Clearly, Gore Gore Girl hates candy! :mad:

Holly likes candy, though. And she's already in Canada.

[GregMO ROberts]

No way am I going back to a men's prison. Being passed around like the Stanley Cup while others mark me as a fuck-by-numbers set does nothing for me.

Besides, I like Gore Gore Girls with accents.

However, your Costco idea is not lost on me. I don't know how to 'casually flex' anything, but if Seth is there to help me out....

[SethStoven]

Yes, I think I can help with casual flexing. And blu-ray players. You've got to start small though. Gore Gore Girls, or rather, Gore Gore Women, don't fall easy. You have to trick them into thinking it was their idea the whole time. Shitty candy bars aren't going to cut it. Keep listening to the podcast, you'll see what I'm talking about.

[GregMO ROberts]

Will do.

Bagging a Gore Gore Girl just made my Bucket List.

[King of Podcasting]

oh boy.
Can you take a restraining order out on a podcast?

[GregMO ROberts]

No worries King.

Hey, and you might just get a Costco blu-ray player out of it.

[King of Podcasting]

Those things only work with Canadian electricity.

[GregMO ROberts]

Wait....did I hear at the beginning of Podcast #60 that Gore Gore Girl is coming to Canada next week?

Where was my heads up? This barely gives me enough time to polish the Costco card!

[King of Podcasting]

Haha, what?
Fuck your Shox, man.

[Gore Gore Girl]

Ken, I think you're being too harsh. I wake up at least three or four times a week and ask myself, "May it be recompense mortals or women?" It's one of the more pressing questions of this day and age.

[King of Podcasting]

"Unsullied Fake Outsole" would be a great name for a grunge band, I'll give 'em that much.