I am writing this in haste, so I apologize if you are underwhelmed. After losing volumes of literary work to a hard drive crash, numerous technical difficulties, followed by weeks of crying while clicking the hammer of my replica Civil War pistol, which doesn’t fire, I am finally back online, expounding my opinions of film. I am doing so based on the assumption that you care what I think. While we’re at it, assume that I care what you think, too. ...
The word Classic is liberally, and irresponsibly, tossed about these days. The truth is that the quality of a film is subjective, as is the labeling of one as a classic. Take the classic teen horror film Massacre at Central High, for example. This is the second of several reviews of violent teenage rebellion flicks I hope to pen. I think I like reviewing them because they tend to address their themes with the utmost seriousness, as if the ...
Updated 10-27-2011 at 07:34 PM by SecretAgent/SuperHero
Did you attend summer camp as a child? Well, if you did, then Summer Camp Nightmare will be a magical trip down memory lane. Now, you all must remember the popular, blond William Kat-ish guy who made sure to befriend, and defend, all of the geeks the other kids picked on. Thank god for that guy! What would adolescence be like without guys like him? Try to imagine, if you can, a world where jocks, and their familiars, pick on the smaller, ...
Santa Sangre, in a distressing display of unoriginal thinking, sets up its story as so many have before it. It opens with the same old insane-naked-man-stuck-up-in-an-artificial-tree-on-the-inside-of-a-Mexican-madhouse-with-a-flashback-to-his-childhood-in-which-he-attends-the-sad-New-Orleans-style-funeral-of-an-elephant-before-witnessing-his-hairy-morbidly-obese-rhinestone-cowboy-knife-throwing-circus-freak-father-slash-his-own-throat-after-cutting-off-his-mother’s-arms-in-a-fit-of-rage-after-she-tosses-a-jar-of-acid-on-his-balls-for-banging-the-tattooed-lady-making-her-death-referential-to-the-martyrdom-of-an-unofficial-armless-saint-that-she-worships-thusly-setting-the-stage-for-her-vengeful-spirit-to-return-from-the-grave-and-seize-control-of-his-arms-and-go-on-a-killing-spree ...
In modern times, when religion is casual and most people's personal beliefs are a mishmash of major religions, new age silliness, Chiropractory and Beatles lyrics, we find people who take their religion seriously a little odd. But back in the Colonial Era, when people were superstitious and most science books were called The Bible, lacking a central authority, inhabitants of communities had the autonomy to hang and burn whomever they wished. This might ...
Updated 10-04-2011 at 11:52 AM by The Butcher
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