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DVD Review: Diamond Cartel

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In the pantheon of "odd" films that I've managed to check out over my life, I honestly think I can surmise DIAMOND CARTEL will have a cemented spot in my top 10 - it's not only off the beaten path, but ultimately depressing for those hoping to view a slam-bang action thriller. Let's slap this slab of meat on the grill and see what crawls out when the flames get jacked up.

The film tells the tale of a casino dealer who decides (bad move, indeed) to run astray of her pit boss after she's literally wiped out by a high roller, and not once did her backup step in to assist. So in order to have her pay a penance, she's forced into the life of a hitwoman, effectively ending any sense of plausibility that this movie might have been able to offer...WOW. There's hidden romances, burgeoning feuds between high-ranking crime bosses...and Peter O'Toole, in what was to be his final film appearance before his death, and let me tell you, this was about as truly uncomfortable a performance as anything I've seen in some time. With his health at a rapidly-deteriorating rate, there simply was no need to have placed this man in this film - just sad to see, really.

You'd hope that with a cast consisting of names like Armand Assante, Michael Madsen, Tiny Lister, Don "The Dragon" Wilson and a few others, that the action levels would be off the charts, but with a heaping collection of intently wretched CGI and moronically-placed fight scenes, this is one giant tub of manure that frankly isn't worthy of gracing the bottom of one of Wal-Mart's $5 discount DVD bins. My advice? If you happen to see this catastrophic turd crossing your path, do your damndest to avoid it at all costs - this thing is so bad it should come with a strip of caution tape across the artwork.

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