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Dusty B

Top 10: Dennis Quaid DVD Covers

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Every once in a while, we are blessed by greatness. A greatness that sweeps through whatever art form it was destined for, changing that medium for patrons and artists alike for decades to come. And sometimes, only sometimes, we are blessed by two such forms of greatness meeting, creating a work so majestic as though to bring you to your knees weeping in exaltation.

In this case, we are graced not only be the supreme acting delights of that thespian of our time, Dennis Quaid, but as well as those touched-by-Michelangelo artists that are entrusted with wrapping Mr. Quaid's talents with such awe-inspiring work of imagery upon their cover (oh, how base a term that is for the likes of these).

I present to you now, only pale imitations of that which you must only truly appreciate whilst clutching it in your pawing hands, preferably while the film unspools in glorious upconverted goodness upon your HDTV. Here is the Top 10 Dennis Quaid DVD Covers!

10. Something to Talk About

We start off with something light, to ease us into Sir Quaid's intensity. We see how happy he is on the surface level, but only with intense scrutiny do we see a man of fortitude. This is a man who knows he's with a hideous woman, a face so malformed it derives snickers from passing children. But he doesn't care. Why? Because he fucking loves her, goddammit, and nothing's going to get in the way of his happiness.

9. The Rookie

We continue with our gentle ease into this man's soul. Here we see him peering into the heavens, thanking all of creation. Even though he has been labeled a "rookie," he now finds himself experienced with that most important thing of all: love.

8. In Good Company

Here, we see the humility of a man. The leading man, a man's man, is graceful enough to share the spotlight. He takes a proud stance, one not without a touch of happiness, as he sees the shining stars rising in Foreman and ScarJo. Their youth and talent in turn seems to de-age him, making him appear a decade younger. Photoshop has nothing on the sheer radiance of bliss!

7. Vantage Point

Here we see the realities of the world begin to enter Sir Quaid's knowing visage, and in doing so we see how vital he is to everyone else. He is placed in the center of the cover's bulls-eye, the calm in the middle of all the chaos. The rock. The pillar. Also, it must be noted how much larger he is opposed to the other actors. Ripley, that guy from Lost, the weirdo crybaby guy from Species, all must take a backseat when Quaid has to take charge of a situation.

6. The Alamo

This is just an example of how timeless Sir Quaid really is. His stoicism is not bounded by petty concepts such as time. Even when not in contemporary settings, he can take command of a situation, nay, one of the most important situations faced in a young America's life, and still keep his wits about him even as chaos reigns around him.

5. Cold Creek Manor

Shhh, don't scare him. This is one of the rarest images of a Quaid. He's looking to his fucking left! Oh my god! Shhh, shhh. Don't get excited. This is how we know things have gotten deadly serious. He must check for obstacles on all sides if he is to make it through this.

4. Savior

At last, we see some of the defenses crumble. Things have finally gotten to the point that Master Quaid must regather himself, a moment of self-clarity that must be pushed through in order to face the coming dangers. Truly, a mountain of a man. But, we have only a moment of reflection before...

3. Beneath the Darkness

...fucking BLAM! Face on, sucka. This is the face of a man who is prepared to face imminent destruction if it means he can preserve all that is dear to him. Even the surrounding image places him rising over death itself within the cemetery images. The gloom will not sway this man as he faces destiny.

2. Horsemen

The intensity is almost unbearable. Here, is a man who has reached the utmost make-or-break point in his life. Rather than back down, here he is, upfront and center. Nothing will overtake this man as he pierces the gloom, shattering the darkness with the light emanating from his god-like countenance.

1. Flight of the Phoenix

This is a man changed by his confrontations. Sir Quaid here portrays the perfect aftermath of all his previous battles. He is victorious, but not unchanged. There is the scars of war scattering upon his face even as he retreats within himself, hiding behind sunglasses as well as bringing up the other co-stars to share some of the burden. His time is over, his stoicism preserved as he faces us, letting us know that should trouble arise once more, he'll be there. Because he's Dennis fucking Quaid. And he's a bad mutha with those sunglasses.

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  1. toksikshok's Avatar
    hello quaid

    Updated 04-03-2012 at 09:56 AM by toksikshok
  2. Dusty B's Avatar

    Shit, I think that just gave me an idea for next year's April Fool's post.