It's my birthday and damnit I'm crying for my childhood
by, 04-24-2012 at 10:46 AM (1218 Views)
You know what I want for my birthday most of all? A solid Friday the 13th sequel, the latest ones have gone for a crossover, a reboot, or being funny and thus not focused on scary. I want Jason to just go back to slaughtering the fuck out of some teens... Is that REALLY too much to ask New Line? Since they've taken over the F13 franchise we've gotten 4 films since then.
Jason Goes To hell - Fun sure, but it's not really him slaughtering, it's folks who body he's possessing... Yawn, Jason is a pissed of retard not some vengeful spirit.
Jason X - What can I say, I've got a soft spot in my heart for * In space films, put any of my favorite horror villains in space and get my inner-retard happy going, so good job there, but still not scary.
Freddy Vs Jason - Again no attempt at scary, but WTF really freddy's scrawny ass stood up to Jason in real life? NOPE, not happening.
Friday the 13th - Ohhhhh boy, where do I begin? First and foremost, I'm not exactly fond of most remakes, they never have the same spirit and just tend to piss on things I loved. This one I initially enjoyed for the first few viewings, but man it's really bugging me now. WHY IS HE SO FUCKING SMART NOW? And since when does he grow pot? I'm not AGAINST these things if explained well, but since it was Michael "I'm gonna fuck over on Christian Keith Ducharme's childhood" Bay I will never know the fucking answer to that.
So how do we fix this mess? Simple answer, I have no fucking clue. I've been a Friday the 13th fan for the entirety of my life, and I do include my viewings of F13th part 2 at the drive-in while my aunt necked with her boyfriend in the front seat. That's right, I've been watching since I was under half a year old, and I can't figure out how to save my favorite horror villain. I mean do we go from the "new" continuity and see what Jason has in the past that caused him to become this smart trap setting pot growing murderer, or do we just hope they wipe the slate clean of the past 5 movies (sorry Jason takes Manhatten but you might as well have been made by New Line for all you're worth!) thus letting us have a once again enjoyable F13 film?
Or am I just going to be disappointed once again next year, with zero news of even a sequel to that mutant form of Friday the 13th we last got. I would even take Michael Bay's continued involvement if it'd just mean he doesn't have anything whatsoever to do with TMNT (yes folks, that's another blog altogether but DAMNIT the Turtles are NOT ALIENS FOR FUCKSAKES YOU COCKSUCKER BAY!)
I guess sometimes we just DON'T get what we REALLY want on our birthdays after all.