When I first saw the title, “Lesbian Vampire Killers”, I couldn’t help but think of how as a young teenager I would have been all over this film. It’s like the three best things in the world. Lesbians. Vampires. And Killers. It’s like a chocolate, double chocolate, triple chocolate ice cream cone.
Even now in my 40’s the title got me giggling. Then it got me shelling out a few bucks for a film that I really didn’t know much about (which is rare). I didn’t care. Lesbians. Vampires. And Killers. Oh my!
I expected a lot from the title when I shoved it in the DVD player. Namely, lesbians, vampires and killers. But I got a little more than that. I got a film that was footloose and fun and for a vampire film – it didn’t suck.
Lesbian Vampire Killers has a straight forward plot. Many moons ago, the Vampire Queen Carmilla was killed by the Baron MacLaren. But before she lost her head, she was able to put a curse on the Baron wherein the descendants of the Baron would turn into a lesbian vampire upon their 18th birthday.
Cut to present day and friends Jimmy and Fletch are sitting in an English pub downing pints and talking gibberish. Jimmy has just been dropped by his girlfriend, so they decide to go on a random hiking trip to get away from it all. Their adventure takes them to the remote village of Cragwich where four lovely hotties (Lotte, Heide, Anke and Trudi) are also headed as part of a historical folklore study.
Before you can say ‘Lexi Belle’, the fun begins and soon Heide, Anke and Trudi are turned into lesbian vampires with Jimmy, Fletch and the virgin Lotte fighting for their lives.
As you can expect from a film that titles itself Lesbian Vampire Killers, the movie doesn’t take itself all that seriously. It takes from the same vein as Shaun of the Dead and has more laughs than blood gushing gore. Fletch (played by James Corden) gets the most laughs as the larger sized and hard lucked womanizer who would rather run than fight. His consistent attempts to try and take advantage of the girls by taking advantage of their situation never gets stale in this fairly short (86 minutes including credits) film by Phil Claydon. Jimmy is straight laced, but gets a few good one-liners in to keep his character interesting.
Although the female vampires are described and introduced as lesbians, the film doesn’t dive into the sexual orientation in any depth. So if you are expecting huge lesbian orgies or titillating and seductive nude shots, this film will disappoint.
Gorehounds might also feel betrayed. The vampires are pretty straightforward and when they are stabbed, impaled or beheaded, they ooze and squirt a yogurt type substance in place of blood. There is a beheading and an axe to the head, but both are played more for giggles.
Where Lesbian Vampire Killers doesn’t disappoint is in the fun factor. Jimmy, Fletch and Lotte are all very stereotypical characters, but they are fun to watch. And Paul McGann as the vampire fighting Vicar also hits the right notes as the vampire slaying begins.
Very predictable and straight forward, for a film like LVK to work, it needs chemistry between the characters and some crack humor to which the film has in spades. The final sequence will imply that there are more vampires (or maybe werewolves) in the character’s future, and I for one would be glad to take another 90 minute ride alongside them.
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